The Trial

Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared
for the answer.

In a trial, in a small southern town, the prosecuting attorney called
his first witness, a grandmotherly elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big
shot when you
haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more
than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned!
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She
again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife with three different women, and one of them was your wife. Yes, I
know him."

The defense attorney almost passed out.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very
quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me,
I'll throw you in jail."

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