Airline Anecdotes

Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the
"in-flight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are
some real examples that have been heard or reported:

"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat
backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out
of this airplane…"

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an
emergency water landing, please take them with our

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke,
contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you
to the wing of the airplane."

"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in
the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

Pilot – "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going
to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move
about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land… it's
a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it
affects the flight pattern."

And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express.We hope
you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed
taking you for a ride."

As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front
of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve
luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the
intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video
surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any
passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes
to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they
leave the aircraft."

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising
altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign.
I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with
all of you for the rest of the flight."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the
overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose
before assisting children or adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among
the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have
some of the best flight attendants in the industry…
Unfortunately none of them are on this flight…!"

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and
said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking.I'm here
to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the
pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault… was the

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a
policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the
passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for
flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing,he had a
hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking
that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off
except for this little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am,"said the
pilot, "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we
land or were we shot down?"

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the
Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing,
the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats
with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's
left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfectlanding: "We
ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo
bounces us to the terminal."

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced:
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because,after a
landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

> From a Southwest Airlines employee…. "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight
> XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal
tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other
seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you
probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a
sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from
the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.
If you have a small child traveling with you, secure
your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two
small children, decide now which one you love more."

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you,
and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest


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