Doctors Notes on Patient’s Charts ( Unedited)

– Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
– On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
– She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
– The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
– The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
– Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
– Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
– The patient refused an autopsy.
– The patient has no past history of suicides.
– Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
– Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
– Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
– She is numb from her toes down.
– While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
– The skin was moist and dry.
– Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
– Patient was alert and unresponsive.
– I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
– Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
– Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
– The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
– The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
– Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
– The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
– Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. X, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
– Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
– Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
– Patient appears responsive, but unable to communicate with me.
– Bladder is under control, but cannot stop urine from seeping.
– Heart problem is fixed. Patient died at 10:07 this morning.
– Complains of chest pain occasionally. Otherwise just a pain.
– Patient is always telling me about her pains and problems. This remains a significant pain to me.
– The blood workup showed no antibodies present. Need the rest of the blood to be sure, however.
– If it weren’t for the fact that the patient is dead, I would say he was in perfect health.
– Testicles are missing on this woman.

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