Hyetis Crossbow – Feature-Packed Smartwatch with a 41-Megapixel Camera

Hyetis Crossbow – Feature-Packed Smartwatch with a 41-Megapixel Camera.

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Funny Marriage Points System

Simple Duties

  • You make sure there’s plenty of gas in the car ( +1)
  • You make sure there are barely enough fumes in the car to make it to the nearest gas station (-1)
  • You take out the recyclables and stack them neatly by the curb (+1)
  • You take out the recyclables at 4:30 am just as the truck pulls away (-1)
  • You load the dishwasher whenever you dirty a dish (+1)
  • You leave dishes in the sink (-1)
  • You leave them under the bed (-5)
  • You make the bed (+1)
  • You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
  • You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)
  • You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
  • You replace the toilet-paper roll when it’s empty (0)
  • When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
  • When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom (-2)
  • You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
  • But return with beer (-5)
  • You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
  • You check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing (0)
  • You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something (+5)
  • You pummel it with a six iron (+10)
  • It’s her father … Or her pet (-10)

Social Engagements

  • You stay by her side the entire party (0)
  • You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
  • Named Tiffany (-4)
  • Tiffany is a dancer (-6)
  • Tiffany has implants (or looks like it) (-8)
  • When mingling, you hold your mate’s hand and gaze at her lovingly (+1)
  • When mingling, you introduce her as “the old’ ball and chain” and pat her on the rump (-5)
  • When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, “Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you” (+1)
  • When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she’s attractive, you say, “Yeah, but don’t worry, she’s lousy in bed” (-6)
  • That woman is her sister (-90)
  • You have one drink, and that’s it (0)
  • You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle (-2)
  • You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted (-18)

Things Of A Disgusting Nature

  • You unclog a stopped-up toilet (+6)
  • You clean up cat, dog or human vomit (+7)
  • You get rid of a dead rodent (+8)
  • You remove the collie from the thresher (+12)
  • You take her mother to see Cats (+16)

Saturday Afternoon

  • You go to the mall together (+3)
  • You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car (+4)
  • You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar (-2)
  • You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it (+3)
  • You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional (0)
  • You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk (+3)
  • Most of it chips and beer (-6)
  • You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den (+15)
  • Or refinishing the floors (+16)
  • Or rewiring the basement (+17)
  • Or adding a second floor (+18)
  • Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket (-6)
  • And you’re tickled pink about it (-15)
  • You visit her parents (+1)
  • You visit her parents and actually make conversation (+3)
  • You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television (-3)
  • And the television is off (-6)
  • You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear (-6)
  • And you didn’t even go to college (-10)
  • And it’s not your underwear (-15)

Her Birthday

  • You take her out to dinner (0)
  • You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+1)
  • Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
  • And it’s all-you-can-eat night (-3)
  • It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)
  • You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player (+3)
  • You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing (+4)
  • And you stink (+2)
  • And you’re not half bad (+5)
  • You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you’re escorted out to much applause (-2)
  • You give her a gift (0)
  • You give her a gift, and it’s a small appliance (-10)
  • You give her a gift, and it’s not a small appliance (+1)
  • You give her a gift, and it isn’t chocolate (+2)
  • You give her a gift that you’ll be paying off for months (+30)
  • You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day (-10)
  • With her credit card (-30)
  • And whatever you bought is two sizes too big (-40)

Thoughtfulness

  • You forget her birthday completely (-10)
  • You forget your anniversary (-20)
  • You forget to pick her up at the bus station (-25)
  • Which is in Newark, New Jersey (-35)
  • And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast (-50)

A Night Out With The Boys

  • Go out with a pal (-5)
  • The pal is happily married (-4)
  • Or frighteningly single (-7)
  • And he drives a Mustang (-10)
  • With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) (-15)

A Night Out

  • You take her to a movie (+2)
  • You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
  • You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
  • You take her to a movie you like (-2)
  • It’s called Death Cop 3 (-3)
  • Which features cyborgs having sex (-9)
  • You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

Your Physique

  • You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
  • You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
  • You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
  • You say “I don’t give a damn because you have one too” (-800)

Grooming

  • You trim your nails (+5)
  • You trim your nails in the living room (-10)
  • You trim your nails and flick them at the cat (-15)
  • You shave on the weekends (+2)
  • You don’t shave on the weekends (-4)
  • You don’t bathe on the weekends either (-8)
  • But then, neither does she (-1)

Driving

  • You lost the directions on a trip (-4)
  • You lost the directions and end up getting lost (-10)
  • You end up getting lost in a bad part of town (-15)
  • You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal (-25)
  • You know them (-60)

The Big Question

  • She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5)
    (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
  • You hesitate in responding (-10)
  • You reply, “Where?” (-35)
  • Any other response (-30)
(A quick pointer, There is no right answer to this question. Mumble something like, “I Love You, honey…”)

Communication

  • When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
  • When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
  • You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+10)
  • She realizes this is because you’ve fallen asleep (-20)