Traffic Camera

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though he knew that he was not speeding…
Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot,
driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
 Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result.
He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail’s pace…

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..

You can’t fix stupid.

Gas Prices!

A man traveling in southern Indiana was headed for the Kentucky border …
when he saw a large sign, , , , “LAST CHANCE FOR $3.65 GAS!!!”

He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he’d better take
advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank.

As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, “How much is gas
in Kentucky?”

The attendant replied, ” $3.10 “.

Wrong Change

A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his
change, and then goes back and says to the cashier,
“Hey, you gave me the wrong change!”

Cashier: “Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don’t
make corrections after you leave. There’s nothing I can do
about it now. That’s the policy of this bank !”

Customer: “Well, okay. Just thought you’d like to know you
gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye. “

Stupid answers on an Exam

Student who obtained 0% on an exam (I would have given him 100%)

    Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle

    Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page

    Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid

    Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage

    Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams

    Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner

    Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half

    Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? * It will simply become wet

    Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? * No problem, he sleeps at night.

    Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

    Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? * Very large hands

    Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? * No time at all, the wall is already built.

    Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

Children Are Quick

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class  started before I got here.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math  multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me  to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No,  that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you  asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula  for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:     What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
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TEACHER:      Winnie, name one important thing we have today that  we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than  you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting    with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No,   Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
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TEACHER:  George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his  hand…..
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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you  say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I  don’t have to, my Mum is a good cook.
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TEACHER:    Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the  same as your brother’s.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
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TEACHER:     Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on  talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher